The ingredients of an interaction

This is a snippet from a talk I gave at the Denver Agile meeting.

"We are uncovering better ways of developing software by doing it and helping others do it.

Through this work we have come to value:

Individuals and interactions over processes and tools..."

from The Agile Manifesto

Each interaction is the prelude to the next. Each interaction is colored by past experiences (direct and indirect).

Our interactions can set up a positive spiral of increasing trust or a negative spiral of decreasing trust and defensiveness.

Because our interactions effect our ability to work effectively and collaboratively, it's worth investing some time in learning about interactions.

All interactions have two main parts:
External: That which is articulated verbally and shown in non-verbal ways.
Internal: A covert, internal dialogue.

An interaction starts with sensory input -- we hear words, tone, inflection and see facial expression, gestures, posture.

Based on what we see and hear (filtered, of course) we make an interpretation. Our interpretation is based on our past experiences, education, culture, etc. Our interpretation isn't fact. We make it up. Most of the time we're close enough and things proceed smoothly.

Interpretation sparks a feeling.

Then our rules for commenting kick in -- things like "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" or "Don't confront authority."

After all that (which happens in a split second), a response pops out.


Our response becomes the other persons sensory input.
Most interactions work well enough--maybe 95%. The other 5% can cost hours or even days of tangled up communication and damaged relationships.

When interactions go awry, stop the negative spiral by separating observation and sensory input from interpretation.

Review your sensory input: What did you see and hear? (Just the facts, ma'am.)

Generate at least 3 possible interpretations of the facts, and test these as hypotheses. When you can't test a hypothesis,use the most generous possible interpretation as a default.

This is one of the most important things I've ever learned. Changed my life.

I don't do this with every interaction, but when my first interpretation is decidedly not generous, it's a cue to look for other possibilities.

The First Law of Management

This morning I was at the gym with Johanna. She lost her balance, then recovered. That little bobble sparked a thought, which I am now stating as:

The First Law of Management

You are human. You make mistakes. Since you can’t be perfect, learn how to recover.

Here’s how to recover:

1. Notice that what you are doing isn’t working.
2. Notice what you are feeling about that.
3. Center yourself.
4. Generate options.
5. Ask for help if you need it.
6. Acknowledge your mistake.
7. Apologize if necessary.

These steps will go along way in helping you recover from management mistake.

Actually, I think these will help in many areas of life.

Long term improvements with reviewing or pairing

Johanna and I are in Minneapolis (brrrr) working on the management book. We're pair editing and integrating reviewers comments.

Our reviewers are making this book better, but they are also making all our writing better.

As I was writing today, I'd find myself saying "Oh, Dwayne (Phillips) wouldn't like that" or "Dave Smith wouldn't let us get away with that!" Sometimes as I'd catch myself using an adverb (heaven forbid) or some other weak construction, and backed it out, knowing Johanna was looking over my shoulder.

So even before Dwayne, Dave, or Johanna (or any of my other fine and valued reviewers) has seen a piece they have an improving effect.

That's how peer reviewing (and pairing) raise the quality of all work, not just the work that's reviewed.

Encouragement

My friend Sheila O'Connor sent me a link to a presentation by Jan Eaton on the Wichita Society of Women Engineers. Though the talk focuses on mentoring, several points fit for managers, team leads, XP coaches and ScrumMasters, all of whom have at least informal mentoring roles.

In my view, paying attention to people's development is one of the most important things you can do for performance, satisfaction, and retention. So it's not touchy-feely, it's about the bottom line. (I feel compelled to state this disclaimer, though I tend to believe that paying attention to people's aspirations and appreciating them is good just because...)

Some snippets:

So what does a mentor do?

Model -- Be aware of your own role modeling
Encourage -- Support your people in risk-taking
Nurture -- Get to know your people's unique skills and capabilities

Encouragement has three components. Any of these is good, and in combination they are even more powerful.

1. Recognize - notice something
2. Verbalize - say something
3. Mobilize - do something

And you do that by saying something like...

Recognize: "Hmm, looks great, I didn't know you like this kind of stuff"

Recognize and Verbalize: "This is really good. Is this something you'd like to do more of?"

Recognize, Verbalize, Mobilize: "If you like this kind of work, why not let Marc in Graphics know, and while you're there, find out when he's offering his next graphics course."

You can find the entire set of slides here, though as with most slides, they are supporting material. I'm sure Jan Eaton had lots more to add.

The balance of power, health and overtime

I came across this classic essay by Jerry Weinberg on Daniel Read's site.

The article is posted in response to some of the recent scrutiny of programmer abuse in the game development industry. Jerry's article points to our own role in maintaining a balance.

I'm also reminded of Dale Emery's post Aggregation and Power. There's a natural power embalance in most employement relationships, simply because companies have many employees, and most people only have one employer. Losing one employee isn't a big blow to an employer (they can always find more), but losing an income is usually a big blow to an individual, especially when the job market is tight.

Unless you have "f**k you money" it's hard to feel like there's a balance. But there are things an individual can do, if not to equalize the power, at least create a sitaution of more choice.

Keep your network active. Don't get into a situation where all your professional colleagues work at one place. Lots of people find jobs through word of mouth; knowing lots of people in lots of places helps your chances.

Always keep your resume up-to-date. Be ready to look for a job.

Know what the employement options are in your area. When I was a corporate employee, I did a job search every couple of years so I would know what was available, and how valuable my skills were in the marketplace. And it gave me practice interviewing.

Continue to invest in your own skills so you continue to be valuable in the market place. Take advantage of corporate training or tuition reimbursement. If your company doesn't offer that, seek training on your own. Waiting for your employer to upgrade your skills is abdicating responsibility for your career.

Save money. I have a friend who has a years worth of salary in the bank. He can walk away from his job without panic. A year of salary may sound daunting. Start by putting your latest raise into automatic savings. Then start saving at least 10% of your income.

Notice when the balance of power starts to tips too far.

You may need your employer more than he needs you, but you don't have to roll over.