Trust and Authenticity

"To be more effective with others, we first need to become more effective with ourselves." Kevin Cashman

I came across this piece by Cashman on FastCompany... it's from 1999, and still worth reading.

Leadership is built on trust, and trust is build on authenticity. Here are three questions that Cashman poses to help think about your own authenticity:

Do you know yourself? Get in the habit of asking yourself two crucial questions: "Why do I pursue the work and the life that I do?" and "What do I act like during the most fulfilling times of my life?" Your answers will help you spot the defining thread of your experiences, and they will lead you to your purpose.

Do you know how to listen -- and to hear? Most leaders think that not speaking is the same as listening. But hearing people's words is only the beginning. Do you also hear their fears? Their intentions? Their aspirations? When you start to hear at a deeper level, you'll start getting information from people. Better yet, people will know that you care about them, and they will eagerly commit to you.

What's your appreciation ratio? In the business world, confrontation, criticism, and even hate are more socially acceptable than expressions of appreciation. That's too bad, because appreciation is a truly value-creating activity. It energizes people, and it makes them want to exceed their goals and perceived limits.

These questions point to characteristics I see in effective managers...they know themselves, they know how to listen, and they notice and appreciate the people around them.

Unfortunately, the links to Cashman's site don't work.

Hearing Bad News

On Tuesday, David Greenfield (a very smart and insightful technical manager I met a couple of years ago) posted this comment:

"The most challenging part of managing for me is learning how to deliver (or accept ) bad news to (from) those who report to me."

David's point is important.

Here's some bad news I've heard as a manager:

"I'm quitting." (from a key contributor.)

"It doesn't matter if he's not doing any work. You can't fire him. We just settled a protected class lawsuit, and we can't risk any more bad publicity."

"I'm not going to finish my code when I said I would."

"We've just moved the release date in by 4 weeks. You have to be ready a month sooner."

"The scope is not negotiable."

"We though we could use BLOBs with this database, but we can't. We have to find a different way to communicate with the database or scrap the database."

"We're cutting your budget."

grrr. This list gives me a sort of sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach!

Hearing bad news is hard. And it's easier for me when I can reframe it as "information about the current situation."

And it's easier to hear bad news as information when I believe I can handle the situation. It's easier to deliver unwelcome news when I believe the other person can handle the situation (and I can handle their response).

(A little piece I wrote about hearing bad news here.)

I suspect for a lot of us, perfection rules come into play when we hear bad news, too. More on that another day.

Creating an Environment for Success

I'm in Boston for a book-writing week with Johanna Rothman.

We're focusing the skills managers *must* have -- the skills that form the foundation for effective management:

Managing one-to-one

Building relationships

Speaking the language of the business / the technical staff

Setting clear priorities

Delivering feedback

Pursuing feedback

Managing the project portfolio

Assigning the work

Handling people issues

If you master these, you're well on your way to being a great manager. Without these, what ever else you do won't amount to much.

We're having fun, and we're facing the same problems every project must deal with....scope creep.... we keep generating more ideas of what to include and must firmly tell ourselves "No!" (Now that would be a great chapter: A Manager's Guide to Saying NO and Keeping Your Job! Ah, we'll save it for the next release!)

Demand to be managed!

"But too often in our business, money is used as a substitute for managing. So the idea that if I can pay you a lot of money, [then] I don't have to engage with you, I don't have to be direct with you, I don't have to be honest with you, I don't have to coach you..." John Mack in Demand to Be Managed on HBS Working Knowledge.

John Mack (head of Credit Suisse First Boston) is talking about management in the financial services industry, but he could easily be talking about the software industry.

In the end, good management attracts good employees and creates a sustainable business.

Reframing

I spent a couple of days with Charlie and Edie Seashore last week. The were in town through the local Organization Development Network.

The Seashores are elders in the arena of change, diversity, and working with groups. They are also co-authors, with Jerry Weinberg, of "What Did You Say? The Art of Giving and Receiving Feedback" (a must read for anyone who ever has to give feedback to peers, subordinates, managers, family members, friends, spouses, or children - which covers most of us, I think).

Here's one of the concepts we worked with:

We all have different frames of reference which help us navigate, but can also get in the way. When we can shift the frame, we can open up more options for approaching a situation.

Here's the exercise.

Make three columns on a piece of paper.

In the first column, list 6 - 7 adjectives and adverbs that describe characteristics you value in yourself.

In the second column, list the psychological opposite of those characteristics. Don't use "non-," "un-" or "dis-," come up with descriptive words, adjectives or adverbs. They don't have to be the dictionary opposite, but the opposite for you.

Look at the words in the second column. How do you feel when you are acting this way?

In the third column, list a positive reframe of the words in the middle column. If you can't get to a positive description, find a neutral description.

Here's part of my list:

Valued characteristic ---> opposite ---> reframe

smart --->dumb---> ignorant

hard-working---> lazy --->relaxed

persistent--->easily defeated --->cutting losses

Two things stand out right for me:

I can be kinder to myself when I have the option of thinking of myself in the third column vs. the second column when I'm not at my best.

Most of us find some people "difficult." Very often, I describe people I find challenging using words from my second column. They represent parts of myself I don't particularly like.

When I can think of them using a positive reframe, I have more options for the relationship.

If you manage people who fit your middle column, try shifting to the reframe column, and see what happens.

On Becoming a Manager

Linda Hill's Becoming a Manager: Mastery of a New Identity came out a decade ago.

This summer she published a new edition, Becoming a Manager: How New Managers Master the Challenges of Leadership. There's an excerpt on HBS Working Knowledge.

Linda Hill suggests that one of the people a manager study is herself:

Those early in their careers can glean important self-insight through careful and systematic introspection. In particular, they should look for pervasive themes in their past and current experiences that say something about their key strengths, important limitations, and core values. For example, in trying to decide whether or not to move into a leadership role, people should ask themselves the following questions about what kind of work they find most interesting and fulfilling:

Do I like collaborative work?

Do I tend to become the leader of groups in which I find myself?

Have I ever volunteered to coach or tutor others?

Do I find it intriguing to work on thorny, ambiguous problems?

Do I cope well with stress (e.g., extended hours, tough personal decisions)?

If they cannot answer most of these questions in the affirmative, it may suggest that they have neither the personal qualities, character, nor motivation required to be an effective manager.

Along (sort of) similar lines, Johanna Rothman builds on Alan Weiss' notion of identifying your fundamental value.

So I want to put these two pieces together.

If you're considering a management job, or want to learn move about how you as a manager, try shifting Johanna's process a bit to look at the basic questions Linda Hill poses:

Start with your most recent experience first.

Write down the answers to these questions:

How did I collaborate with others to accomplish work? What was that like for me?

In what ways did I show leadership in the groups I worked with?

How did I handle thorny, ambiguous problems? How was that experience for me?

What events or experiences were stressful for me? How did I cope with the stress?

Loop on all the experiences on your resume.

Now look back at all your answers.

What stands out for you?

What is surprising? Disappointing? Exciting?

What does this tell you about your journey in (or into) management?

What are your next steps?